I'm Actually Doing Things, People.

People were actually living in this bus, y'all!

So, full disclosure: I have not quite aggressively applied the four principles discussed in my earlier post. to date, Of course, part of that failure is due to my recent trip to Portland, since. for the last couple of months, my beau and I have ticked off things we need to start doing (Save money, eat better, exercise more, de-clutter, etc...), but everything was earmarked as something we would start "after Portland." Welp, we're back from Portland. Now it gets real.

After spending most of Sunday at 30,000 feet, I decided to allow myself some time to recover before tackling these new daily tasks. It's Thursday now, so R&R time is over. Here's where I am:

1. Stop buying stuff. This one seems easy enough... While on vacation, I resisted the temptation to pick up any new things - Something for which I should get extra credit points, considering I was in freaking Portland. I failed to track the prices for these potential souvenirs, but that is mostly because I refused to physically walk in to the stores. Window shopping seemed to scratch the itch just enough, and I was afraid that the temptation to buy would be too strong to deny if I were physically inside of the shops. Instead of extra stuff, I have a ton of pictures of our adventures, and I treasure these so much more than I would a coffee mug or tea towel.

2. Start small. Monday night, I began the effort to consolidate my 6 drawer dresser, but I failed to follow step 3, so I was soon overwhelmed and allowed myself to be distracted. I'll give myself one star, for effort, here.

3. Set a timer. I decided to start fresh with this one - and with a bigger challenge: My closet. This week, I rotated between 12 minute de-clutter sessions and 15 minute rest periods. This worked surprisingly well! I was able to clear out three bins and fill two full-size garbage bags for Goodwill. This method inspires almost a competitive streak in me - I like the feeling of racing against the clock. Or maybe it's the knowledge that I can look at my phone and see that there is only 1 minute and 47 seconds left for the task at hand. Either way, I am well on my way, I think...

4. De-clutter every day. I win this one! As I was getting ready for work Tuesday morning, I started picking up things that I instantly knew I could live without. I had a feeling that I have a magic window of time in the early morning hours, during which my "throw away time" will be optimal... It seems that my feelings apparently take a little while longer to wake up than the rest of me, and this is something I will certainly leverage. Here are some of the items I no longer have in my life, as a result of this exercise:

• Three hair dryer attachments with the plastic wrap still on them (for a hairdryer purchased 3+ years ago)
• Three pairs of shoes I haven't worn in years
• A couple of skirts and sweaters that I acquired through online shopping - Never worn, but kept "just in case."
• Several books I have literally no attachment to, whatsoever
• Instruction manuals for appliances I don't own anymore
• A collection of empty picture frames that have lived in a box for an embarrassingly long time
• All of the sweat socks. Seriously - Why do I always think I need 32 pairs of thick socks, when all I use them for is winter sleeping??

All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well.

Of course, I very recently realized that I am inside of my 60 day window before my lease expires. I kind of need to step things up - I totally plan to leverage this as an opportunity to shed my life of unnecessary things and downsize into a unit roughly half the size of where I am now. It kind of feels like the stars are aligning - The universe is guiding me toward a much simpler life, and I need to harness these powers for the greater good.

In the meantime, since I now have an external timeline to meet if I want to avoid astronomical month-to-month rent fees, I am considering seeking out someone who has lived in an RV for assistance. I'm in need of someone to stand over my shoulder and shout at me, "YOU DO NOT NEED THIS. YOU HAVE NO ROOM FOR THIS IN YOUR FUTURE RV."

Perhaps I just identified a 5th approach.......

Less Stuff. More Happy.

I am an anxious person, and one of the most successful coping mechanisms I employ is to insulate myself from feelings of anxiety by surrounding myself with things that make me happy. Sometimes in life, I need a lot of external sources of happiness... This means that I have a lot of stuff. A LOT of stuff.

A few years ago, I moved in to a two bedroom apartment, so that I would have room for all of my stuff. My apartment has two large bedrooms, two huge closets, and two patio storage closets. And everything is full. So. Much. Stuff. And everything is my favorite! Thinking about where to even start the de-cluttering exercise is extremely stressful for me. In fact, even as I type these words, I can feel my heart start to race in my throat.

For years, I have wanted to chuck everything and adopt a minimalist lifestyle, but that is so much harder to actually DO, when you very secretly have hoarder tendencies rooted in the core of your being. Instead of acting on this desire to cleanse my life, I lay around and think about how hard it will be or how much work it will take. I make plans about where to start or what to toss, but then I find myself at Target, with a cart full of more things. It's a problem. Trust me - I know. I am acutely aware that I need to move from just thinking about this, to actually acting on establishing this as my new lifestyle. There is no possible way that I can move in to roughly 300 square feet of space without reducing my belongings down to only essentials. It is critical for me to start thinking that less stuff will make me more happy.

For the past few weeks, I have been in the Homework Phase of this effort. True to my analytical nature, I have spent a good deal of time researching. The internet is amazing, isn't it? It seems that I am not alone in this, because I have found so many resources offering "tried and true" methods for de-cluttering. Of these sources, I have found a few principles that feel like they may work for my particular challenges. Here are some of those ideas:

1. Stop buying stuff. I know you might look at this and think, well, for lack of a better word, "duh." But this is an entirely new way of thinking for me. From now on, when I stumble across the most perfect and adorable tchotchke, I will ask myself, "What purpose would this serve in the RV?" If the answer is "none," I will keep walking. In applying this principle, I will also start keeping track of the things I choose not to buy. That way, not only will this idea successfully help stop the flood of clutter into my home, but I will also feel rewarded when I can actually see how much money I have saved. Plus, who doesn't love a good spreadsheet?!

How does this apply to me? This morning, I set up a Google docs spreadsheet to track my "non-buys." Just a simple entry method that I can use anywhere, At the beginning of each month, I will total up my winnings and smile. Maybe even reward myself with a cupcake (or two).

2. Start small. My clutter has reached a point that seems profoundly overwhelming. The reason I have not actively divested things is largely due to how I feel, when I think about the entire scope of the effort. Not helping is the urgency with which I feel the need to trim down my things. I need to force myself to take a step back and acknowledge that I am setting my own deadlines for this life change, so I have as much room in the timeline as I need. I have so much faith in the idea that one or two de-cluttered drawers will inspire me to tackle the bigger things that, right now, make it hard for me to breathe.

How does this apply to me? My first target is the six drawer dresser in my bedroom, which I will address over the course of a few days. On the first day, I will focus on one drawer. The second day, two drawers. And so on. My goal is to consolidate to two drawers, thus lifting some of this weight off of my chest and creating a source of inspiration in its place. 

3. Set a timer. There seems to be some substance to the idea that doing things in small bursts makes it easier for someone like me to successfully navigate through this epic battle. I keep seeing different variations of the same message, involving setting timers and rewarding yourself with breaks. And I can see how this will work. In the past, when I have attempted to address my entire home, I have ended up spending the entire day sitting on the floor of my guest room, just creating more of a mess. And at some point along the way, I know I start to lose perspective - I start out fairly well, tossing things without pause. But by the end of the day, I establish a "keep" mound that seems to grow proportionally to how many hours I have been working. If I am limited to 10 minutes at a time, I can race against the clock. Take a break, race some more. I have a feeling this will be a much more effective - and less intimidating - exercise for me.

How does this apply to me? I actually tried this out last night, and it worked magically. I needed to tidy up my apartment, so I set the microwave timer for 10 minutes. I cleaned until I heard the beeps, and then I set another timer for a 15 minute break. I plan to continue this routine, slowly and gradually increasing the cleaning time, but still alternating with short breaks to keep me motivated.

4. De-clutter every day. Another popular method socialized on the web involves getting rid of 5 or 10 things, every day. I mean, this is genius. This makes it so simple! I am not fortunate enough to have attic space at my parents' house to stack things, and I am not interested in acquiring the ongoing expense of storage space, so sometimes the idea of seeing HOW MUCH I need to toss is overwhelming. If I start to move 5 or 10 things out of my house every day, it will be like taking tiny little bites out of this gigantic, rolling snowball. I can nibble. I was born to nibble.

How does this apply to me? I am most excited about this idea. I think I will start small (5 items per day), with the goal being to reach 10 or 15 items each day (I have a whole lot of stuff). Things will not be stashed in a corner or shoved in to a bag marked "Goodwill." Everything leaves, that day. I will allow exceptions to this rule only for items that I can sell, and in these instances, I will post those items by the end of the week.

By these powers combined, I will be Captain De-Clutter.

Stand in the Place Where You Work

For the past 15 some-odd years of my life, I have spent a minimum of 5 days a week in a cubicle. I work. A lot. And I work hard.

In fact, I left my last employer because I was tired of working double digit days... Only to start clocking even more time behind a desk at this new place. In fact, I worked on Christmas Day. In a building with no a/c and only auxiliary lighting. There is something so fundamentally wrong with that.

This is hard for me, because I've always pretended that my mantra is "I work to live, not live to work," but it's kind of been a lie. In reality, my entire existence revolves around my job. Wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, wash, rinse, repeat. With each passing year, I am more and more convinced that the dream for TRUE work/life balance is just that - smoke and mirrors. But it doesn't have to be that way. I know - I've read about it on the internet!

When you think about it, it's a sickness, really - This American perception that success is measured by who we work for, how much we make, what our title is. That is not what life is about - Those things aren't important. They aren't EXCITING. Well, admittedly, I am a huge nerd, and macros, formulas, and forecasts are definitely exciting for me. But the last thing I want discussed at my funeral is how great my Excel skills were.

Recently, however, there was a shift in my inner being: I woke up one morning and thought, "I need to change my entire life. No, I need to leave my life. Yes, I want to start to actually LIVE." Kind of a leap, but I have arrived at the decision to abandon Corporate America for good.

This decision has been a long time coming. Even as a child, I felt this great sense of responsibility to take control of my existence - I am lucky enough to be a part of this world, and I am compelled and called to experience every single bit of it. For a variety of reasons that I will not belabor, it has always been paramount for me to be the very best Individual Contributor to ever contribute individually. My deep-seeded fears of failure and inadequacy have lent themselves quite well, in this endeavor - Working hard is a compulsion for me. Ask any of my former or current co-workers and colleagues, and you will hear that I am the single most dependable person in the working world. That's all well and good, but when I stop for a minute and look at my life, I haven't really DONE anything.

Last month, I saw my 35th birthday come and go. In five years, I will be 40. Recognizing that 40 is most definitely the new 20, and acknowledging that this milestone does not qualify as "old," I see that I am running out of time... I want to be reckless, and as more time passes behind this ergonomically correct workstation, the older and more tired I feel. If I allow myself to remain complacent in this current existence, I can't even imagine how much more pronounced these feelings of drudge and dread will be after 5 more years of this constant, soul-sucking grind. There simply is no other option: My time is now.

So, it's decided: I will (eventually) quit my job. I will (eventually) buy an RV or tiny house. I will (eventually) traverse the country, living off of wages earned by doing things that genuinely excite and electrify me. I will put all of my faith in this great world and truly believe that I will find my way.

So, what are the next steps? Well, for now, I will obsessively comb the web for information about how to ACTUALLY make these things happen. I will neurotically plan and forecast and spreadsheet what my near-future will look like. It's time to do this... but let's not be too rash about that giant leap over the ledge.... I think I prefer more of a stumbling pace.

In the coming months, I will share with you my progress - What are these wild plans, exactly? What are my fears? Despite these concerns, what is it that continues to drive me? Is this really happening?

I make no promises that this will be an educational or informative blog. There may be many instances where I just need an outlet for some anxiety-fueled ramblings filled with self-doubt and complete terror. I may get "shiny lighted" and talk for a bit about things completely unrelated to this new journey. Who knows... I mean, I've decided to abandon all sense of structure and pattern in my entire life, so the same rule should apply here. Thanks for joining me. It's about to get real.

This is the Beginning.

The winds of change are starting to swirl, so I thought it might be high time I start recording some of this metamorphic activity. I mean, that's what we do now, right? Every thought, every experience, every fancy, every tiny, little thing is the singular most important event,  worthy of intense documentation, because everyone should know every detail of our life experiences...

I actually believe that this little stuff IS amazing. And the idea that we can share all of these parts of ourselves with total strangers living half a world away is actually kind of phenomenal, when you think about it. These parts of each of us are such beautiful things - Our uniqueness is what makes this world so magical. And our sameness makes me feel not-alone.

And right now, all of my small things are on the cusp of major transformation. I've managed to trek my way through life in a very determined way, but I've always known that there was something more out there - That I am meant for some kind of crazy adventure, and every bit of my journey so far has been preparing me for what lies ahead. If you know me, you know my story. You know that the last decade or so has been fairly challenging for me. And for these challenges, I am grateful. I am grateful that I have trudged through adversity in the best ways I've known how. I am thankful for the inner strength instilled inside of me by the generations of incredible women who preceded me. Because now, I am ready. I am ready to tap in to that fire in my core and use it to push me over the ledge in to the unknown. I am ready to change everything about my entire existence.

Someone once described this one perfect moment in this chrysalis stage of a butterfly's metamorphosis in a way that really resonated with me: That moment when the creature inside the warm little cocoon is no longer a hairy, bumpy caterpillar, but also not yet a glorious winged beast, either. If you slice open the cocoon at this precise instant, "caterpillar soup" will ooze out. That's exactly where my life is right now. I am in that moment - that singular, precise instant - where enough of me has already started to change, but I have miles ahead of me to go. I am preparing to leave my old identity behind and become a new me. I am oozy, wonderful, glorious caterpillar soup.